The Great Elvis Expedition:

Day 9, Saturday August 17th, 2002 

Day 9

This day, which was by its nature anti-climatic, was the day to start our drive back North. Rick, anxious to get going on the creation of 401Ls, decided to fly back rather than drive. Also, his back was feeling so good that he didn’t want to risk hurting it coming back in the motor coach. We said good-bye to him at 6:00 A.M. and boarded our bus, being reunited once more with Ed and Rusty. The only thing we had to accomplish this day was to carry out a special instruction that Elvis had given Ron. At the end of our conversations Elvis had asked Ron “Do you all have a little lady traveling with you?” Ron had allowed as how we were carrying Destiny, but that she had been badly deflated. Elvis had said “That’s no way to treat a little lady. I would be most appreciative if you got her reinflated and left her somewhere where she can find a better life.” True to our word, we stopped midday at a truck stop, inflated her to her full and ample size. We then bought her some demure clothing at the Flying J, and dressed her up right pretty, along with a cute little handbag. We left Rusty sitting on a bench looking quite pretty and respectable in the town square of Winchester, VA. We had done our best for her, and we all hope that things turn out all right.

Well, this is the end of our daily journals. It has been quite a trip. We have traveled in 8 different States, got to know something of the Southland, got to see and understand first hand some of the great battles of the Civil War, and accomplished our primary mission. All that remains to be written is the Epilogue, but we would like to take this opportunity to thank those who made this trip so enjoyable and productive. Special thanks to:

Wiley Pearson, for originating the idea and organizing the expedition, spending countless hours in research on battlefields, scenic routes, hotels, and most of all great restaurants.

Mayling Eaves, who lovingly set up our website with all kinds of bells and whistles with the help of volunteer labor at her company, as well as that of David Arslanian and friends at SEI.

Rick Lieb, who came up with the idea of a motor coach and found Ed Lonsbury’s company down in Whitehorse, Texas.

Ed Lonsbury, the owner of the motor coach and driver, who got us everywhere we needed to be on time, despite consistently bad directions from Wiley, and in great style. www.privatemotorcoach.com

Rusty, our favorite Corgi, who kept us calm and licked our toes whenever we felt a little tired.

And to you, dear reader, for following the progress of our pilgrimage to Graceland.

Elvis has now officially left the building.

EPILOGUE

Following is a capsule summary of what became of each of the 7 participants in the Great Elvis Expedition.

DESTINY was found on her park bench by an older, courtly Virginia widower who took her home to his Victorian house in Winchester, VA. She now sits and receives guests in the living room and has become a fixture in Winchester society.

RUSTY lived well and long, playing endless games of Catch the Ball and bringing serenity and joy to everyone he met.

ED LONSBURY, thanks to an investment by Rick and Ron, now owns and operates an entire fleet of top of the line luxury motor coaches, and travels around the country with his family and Rusty. He is also the President of the North American Motor Coach Association.

RON ARSLANIAN went back to Cambridge, located a middleman in order to remain anonymous, and sold his picture of the young Elvis holding a copy of the Wall Street Journal dated August 16, 2002. The photo was purchased for $50 million by People Magazine, which outbid the National Inquirer. Ron and his lovely wife Leslie used the proceeds to open up a national chain of General Optical stores, all with the same quality of service as their original store in Cambridge. In subsequent years, Ron used his magic glasses to interview and get pictures of, among others, Princess Di, Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Ted Williams, who, as it turns out, did not want to be frozen and is really pissed at his son. Ron and Leslie live in a beautiful brownstone on Beacon Hill, and take frequent trips around the country in their top of the line Fleetwood Motor Coach. Ron also writes a column for the Boston Herald on the best places to eat in America.

WILEY PEARSON went back to Minnesota after the trip and spent the next 60 days preparing an advertising campaign featuring the endorsement of Paul Wellstone by Elvis. The ad ran in all Minnesotan media markets non-stop the weekend before the election, and Wellstone won in a landslide. On the heels of this victory, Wiley became a much sought after campaign consultant, and opened his own firm and then sold it 10 years later for $50 million. He then used these proceeds to open up a national chain of truck stops called “Wiley Pearson’s All You Can Eat Buffets and Clothes Emporiums.” This in turn made him tremendously wealthy, and he and his lovely wife Jane used the profits to buy Graceland. Jane tastefully redecorated the upstairs of the mansion, where they live, but she and Wiley keep the downstairs just as it was and still open to adoring fans. Most afternoons when he is in town, Wiley will go downstairs and play a spirited rendition of “Viva Las Vegas” to astonished visitors to Graceland. Then he politely says “Thank you; thank you very much.” and goes back upstairs.

RICK LIEB went back home and hired 200 software engineers to get ready for 401Ls. On January 22nd, the Senate overwhelmingly passed the Wellstone Financial Security Act of 2003 which created 401Ls, the House quickly followed suit, and a dazed President Bush signed the bill into law on January 31st. On February 1, 2003, Rick’s company oversaw the transfer of $15 trillion in funds from 401Ks to newly opened 401Ls. Thanks to his early experience with conversions at SEI, everything went without a hitch. All Americans now saw modest but steady gains in their retirement accounts and the economy rebounded back to a steady 3.5% yearly growth. For this accomplishment, Rick was simultaneously appointed as Chairman for Life of the FED, as well as the head of the World Bank and the IMF. Rick now travels around the world with Kathy by his side, advising second and third world nations. He also has a nightly talk show on Al Jezeer TV called “Laugh with the Infidels”. It is the number 1 rated program in the Islamic world.

TOM CORCORAN went back to Camden, NJ, appointed a successor for his job, sold all of his belongings, which weren’t much, and moved to Wales, where he bought a 100 acre spread and now raises purebred Corgis. Out of his first litter, he sent the cutest puppy to Saddam Hussein. Within 6 months, Saddam voluntarily destroyed all of his weapons of mass destruction under UN supervision, recognized the State of Israel, and called for a world wide summit on global peace. In subsequent years, Tom has given a Corgi puppy to every newly elected leader, with the effect of greatly reducing regional conflicts and disbanding of all armies. For his pioneering work in Corgi breeding, Tom was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Tom also has an internationally syndicated TV show called “Training Your Corgi.” He lives modestly in his thatch cottage in Wales, and buys his supplies and clothes from the new Wiley Pearson All You Can Eat Buffet and Clothes Emporium in the nearby village of Gwndyngr. Via video feed, he is also a frequent guest on “Laughing with Infidels.”